


Happy

by literary_lion



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Allonormativity sucks, Aspec Main Character, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Demiromantic, Demiromantic Sirius Black, Demisexual Main Character, Demisexual Sirius Black, Demisexuality, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, James Potter is the mum friend, James stages an intervention, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Misunderstandings, Oblivious Sirius Black, One Shot, POV Sirius Black, Pining, Pining Remus Lupin, Sad Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27974994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literary_lion/pseuds/literary_lion
Summary: Sirius Black is very confused. He doesn’t know why Remus has been avoiding him, he can’t understand why none of his romance-obsessed friends believe he doesn’t get crushes, and he’s not sure why James thinks the two problems are related.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 132





	Happy

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is inspired by that quote about Sirius being “too rebellious” to show interest in girls, combined with the undeniable canonical existence of Wolfstar.
> 
> (Let’s ignore homophobia and heteronormativity because we can!)
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story!

‘Hey James, where’s Remus?’ Sirius asks, peering around the busy common room in case he missed his friend the first five times he checked.

James leans closer to make himself heard over the cacophony of group study sessions and gossip circles. ‘Not sure mate. Maybe he went to the library, or for a walk. He seemed a bit distracted when I spoke to him earlier.’

‘He spoke to you?’ Sirius exclaims, eyes widening and lips curling into a pout. ‘So is it just me he’s avoiding then? I haven’t seen him properly in days!’

It has, in fact, been two days and nineteen hours since Sirius last spoke to Remus.

He isn’t sure why Remus has been avoiding him; it was all very sudden. Just last week they were hanging out during and between classes, planning pranks together, and having late night conversations about everything and nothing, like they had been every day for the last few years. Sirius feels lost; he misses laying his head in Remus’s lap in the late afternoon, listening to his friend read his study notes aloud since Sirius can never concentrate on the textbook for long. He misses having someone to balance out his and James’s recklessness with Pete’s timidity. He misses the way Remus always seems to know exactly what Sirius needs, whether it’s the jam jar at breakfast, a quill in class when he’s forgotten his, or his knee pads for quidditch practice, which Sirius somehow always manages to misplace. He misses Remus like an arm; he’s still fine and alive, but something invaluable has disappeared.

It’s been two days and nineteen hours.

The Marauders and the other sixth year Gryffindors spent Saturday evening together in the common room, chatting and playing board games in an attempt to distract themselves from mid-year exam stress. As the sky grew darker and the younger students migrated to their dorms, conversation inevitably, to Sirius’s perpetual exasperation, turned to romance and other “juicy titbits” (Marlene’s words, not his).

Sirius usually enjoys being the centre of attention, and with his undeniable charm and flair for the dramatic he often is. This, however, is one topic he prefers to fade into the background for. It’s not that he has anything to hide; it’s quite the opposite in fact. He just doesn’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with wanting to be in a relationship, or knowing who other people want to be in relationships with. That night was no exception.

_‘Oh, that fifth year Hufflepuff girl, Sandy, totally has a thing for you Sirius,’ Mary giggled next to Sirius, drawing his attention to the conversation at hand._

_‘Huh?’_

_‘Don’t play dumb Sirius. She was all blushing and tongue-tied when you helped her pick up the books she dropped yesterday.’_

_‘I bet she dropped them because she was too busy staring at him!’ Marlene added, trying to muffle her laughter with a hand over her mouth._

_Sirius’s brows drew together. He vaguely remembered that happening, but he didn’t really know the girl, so he hadn’t taken much notice._

_‘You should ask her out,’ Pete said._

_Lily clapped her hands together. ‘Ooh yes! I know you’ve never dated, Sirius, but really you don’t need to be so shy. You could ask anyone here at school and they’d probably say yes.’ The others nodded in agreement, though Sirius noticed Remus looked down at his hands as she said that._

_‘Oh, um, thanks Lily,’ he started, sending her an appreciative glance. ‘But…I don’t even know her. Why would I want to ask her out?’_

_His friends all frowned in confusion. James piped up next to him, saying, ‘Well, if you think she’s cute you should go on a date and get to know her,’ as if that were obvious._

_‘I guess she’s pretty,’ Sirius allowed. ‘But I don’t understand the point of going on a date with someone that I don’t know well enough to know if I like them.’_

_His words only seemed to baffle everyone further. Pete, who often got frustrated when he didn’t understand something, burst out, ‘You just_ know _!’_

_At this all his friends nodded again, leaving Sirius extremely bemused and underwhelmed._

_‘Well, I guess if you didn’t feel a spark or anything you probably don’t like her,’ James said. Then a sly grin spread across his face and a twinkle appeared in his eye, filling Sirius with no small amount of dread. That was the expression James got just before setting off a Marauders prank. ‘Maybe,’ he said, drawing out the vowels, ‘little Sirius doesn’t want to ask Sandy out because he has a crush on someone else!’_

_Gasps and squeals rang in Sirius’s ears and he rolled his eyes. Honestly, it was like no one could believe that Sirius, you know, just didn’t like anyone like that._

_‘Who is it?’ Mary hissed, turning her body so she could shake his shoulders._

_‘No one, I’ve told you before,’ he replied, extricating himself from her grip and gently pushing her hands away._

_‘Pfft stop lying Sirius –’_

_‘It’s okay, we won’t judge you –’_

_‘I’ll get it out of you this time –’_

_While denials and probing questions were launched from all around the circle, Sirius sought out the one person he could always rely on to save him from these interrogations. Remus was usually equally unimpressed with this type of conversation, often sitting out and commiserating with Sirius on their nosy friends. When Sirius caught his eye this time though, he didn’t find the usual sympathy. Instead, Remus was looking at him with steely resolve. Sirius’s heart thudded loudly in his chest. Remus opened his mouth._

_‘Yeah Sirius, you can tell us. Do you actually like someone?’_

_Everyone quieted down, knowing that Sirius never refused a request from Remus._

_Sirius felt hurt flash through his body. He thought Remus, at least, would always believe him and take his side. But maybe this was a sign that everyone else was right. Sirius thought he’d never had a crush before, but maybe he had been ignoring or misinterpreting his feelings. People described it like a hot flush or a stomach ache or some nonsense like that, so maybe he had just thought he was sick…_

_But he knew the truth right now, and he just wanted the conversation to end. ‘I said I don’t like anyone, is that so hard to believe? Can we move on now?’ He looked everyone in the eye, trying to convey the truth of what he was saying._

_Eventually, James shrugged and said, ‘Alright, how about you Wormy? You seemed pretty adamant that you knew what a crush felt like. Who’s the recipient of your affections this week?’_

_Sirius sighed, glad that it was over but still a bit confused about Remus. He looked across the circle, planning to go over and ask what had happened to his usually guaranteed backup, but the tattered red cushion Remus had been sitting on was empty._

‘Yes, I imagine he does want to avoid you at the moment,’ James says patronisingly, bringing Sirius out of his reverie.

‘But why? And what was that tone you just used? Do you know something?’

‘You, Sirius Black, are an oblivious idiot,’ James sighs. He looks around the crowded room and makes a decision. ‘Come on, let’s go talk in the dorm.’

Sirius heaves himself out of the armchair and shuffles hesitantly after James. He can feel a Mother James Lecture hanging heavy in the air, but he’s not sure why. He climbs the spiral staircase and reaches the landing their dorm is on. He ducks through the medieval doorway and slumps next to James on his bed.

‘Alright, out with it, Jimmy Boy. Why is Remus not talking to me?’

James reaches a hand up to scratch at his already messy hair, then uses his knuckle to push his glasses back up his nose from where they slid to the tip. Then he coughs and takes the glasses off to clean them on the corner of his white button-up.

‘Jesus Christ James, spill it!’ Sirius is getting worried by James’s nervousness now. ‘Did I do something awful and not realise?’

James guiltily shoves his glasses back on and turns to face Sirius. ‘Mmm…not awful exactly. I’m sure you didn’t mean to. Which is really kind of the problem. So to speak.’ He shifts his weight around on the bed before continuing. ‘Okay, I’m not sure how to be subtle about this because Moony has been quite obvious – not that he realises that – and you _still_ haven’t noticed, so I think I’ll just tell you.’ He pauses again, and Sirius waits impatiently for him to go on.

‘Remus likes you.’

Sirius blinks, wondering if James is going to continue. When the silence stretches he raises an eyebrow and says, ‘Uh yeah, I hope he likes me because we’ve been friends for ages, so it’d be a bit awkward if he secretly hated me the whole time.’

James picks up the pillow next to him and smothers his loud groan of frustration. ‘No, you absolute dimwit, I mean he fancies you! Wants to hold your hand and take you on dates to Hogsmeade and cuddle with you and kiss you all over your stupid oblivious face.’

‘Oh,’ is all Sirius manages to get out. He drags his thumb along his bottom lip.

‘“Oh”? OH? That’s all you have to say about that?’ James practically shrieks.

‘Well, I admit that it’s a bit surprising. Although…that does explain some of his recent behaviour,’ he trails off, a few scenes of Remus studiously avoiding eye contact after being the recipient of a famous Sirius Black hug or compliment flashing through his mind. ‘But that doesn’t explain why he’s not talking to me. I mean he can’t have only had a crush on me for three days, and he was talking to me fine before then.’

James rests his face in his hands. ‘Hey Pads, remember that one time when Remus asked if you liked anyone and you said no? Does that ring any bells?’

‘Yeah, on Saturday.’

‘Well, there you go.’

‘What do you mean, “There you go”?’ Sirius yells, jumping up from the bed. ‘What does that have to do with anything?’

‘I can’t believe I have to spell it out for you,’ James huffs. ‘Remus. Likes you. You. Don’t like anyone. Ergo, you don’t like Remus. Now Remus is sad because his feelings are unrequited, and seeing you reminds him of that and makes him sadder. So, he’s avoiding you. Does that make sense now?’

Sirius ponders this. Already standing, he begins to pace around the room. He can feel James watching him, but he ignores him for now. _Remus likes me,_ he thinks. _My best friend Remus likes me but he’s sad and avoiding me instead of asking me out._ A cavernous ache has started gnawing at Sirius’s chest, and he comes to a halt as he realises he’s upset that Remus assumed Sirius wouldn’t go out with him. He turns back to face James.

‘Prongs, I understand the words you said, but why doesn’t Remus just ask me out? If I don’t like anyone isn’t that a good thing for him? My affections aren’t elsewhere, so theoretically he has a chance. And we’re friends already, so that boosts his chances even more!’

James seems to have reined in his frustration, apparently realising that Sirius really is just very confused by Remus’s behaviour, and not being deliberately obtuse. ‘Sirius, you said yourself the other night that it doesn’t make sense to go out with someone you don’t have feelings for, so if you don’t already have feelings for Remus, he clearly thinks there’s no point asking you out because you’ll just reject him and that’ll hurt even more.’

Sirius scrunches his face up tight. James’s words sound like the ones Sirius said the other night, but they don’t quite sit right. ‘No,’ he says, thinking it through. ‘I think I meant it more like I couldn’t have feelings for someone I don’t know very well. But Remus is one of my best friends! I could totally imagine dating him, so who’s to say I wouldn’t get feelings for him in the future.’

‘That’s not how it works –’

‘That’s how it works for me!’ Sirius bursts out before James can go on. ‘Okay? I know you guys don’t believe me, but I’ve never had a crush. I can’t imagine wanting to…you know… _do stuff_ with someone unless I was really good friends with them, and I don’t understand how other people can.’

‘Uh, do you want to do “stuff” with me? Or Pete?’ James asks, looking curious and expectant rather than horrified.

‘Ew, no. Just because I _am_ friends with you doesn’t automatically mean I want to date you. Blech.’ Sirius shudders.

James crosses his arms, unimpressed. ‘Wow. Thanks so much, that really improved my self-esteem,’ he says dryly.

Sirius waves his hand dismissively. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘Yes,’ James replies slowly. ‘I do. But I’m not sure you do.’

Sirius sends him a questioning glance.

‘Padfoot, have a good think about what you just told me.’ James clears his throat. ‘“I could totally imagine dating Remus…No, I don’t want to date James or Pete.”’ He stares at Sirius, somehow managing to look both encouraging and exasperated. ‘You may not have had a crush before but have a think about the difference between how you feel about me, and how you feel about Moony.’

_Oh._

_Oh damn._

_When did_ that _happen?_ Sirius wonders.

His breath leaves his body in one big whoosh as he flops back onto the bed. James pats his arm reassuringly.

‘Do you want to talk it out, or do you need a minute to yourself?’

‘Ju-just…yeah a minute to think would be good Prongs,’ Sirius stutters. He barely notices as James leaves the room and quietly closes the door.

Sirius likes Remus.

Sirius might even be in love with him! He knows he already loves him – Remus is one of his best friends – is it such a big leap between the two?

Maybe this is why Sirius never got crushes. Has he been harbouring feelings for Remus this entire time?

But no, this is definitely new. In first year, once he had decided to accept Gryffindor as his new family, Sirius just wanted to be best friends with the mysterious boy with the scars slashed across his face and a hidden talent for scheming. Even when they had properly hit puberty, seeing Remus step out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam and walk across the dorm to pull on the shirt he had left on his bed had never awakened anything in Sirius. He definitely would have noticed – Remus is very hot.

Oh _that’s_ new.

Sirius groans, covering his face with his clammy hands. Apparently people weren’t lying all those times he heard them talk about being turned on just by seeing someone else. He has always just appreciated people’s beauty the way he appreciates fine art, or a stunning sunset. But Remus – how has Sirius not realised he now wants to map Remus’s constellations of summer freckles with his lips; to trace his scars with his fingertips, then his tongue; to feel Remus’s body pressed against his as he whispers everything and nothing in his ear.

Sirius thinks about early mornings, Remus still half asleep as he sips his green tea, tawny hair flattened on one side and jumper sleeves tugged over his knuckles. He thinks about Remus flushed from the cold, grinning as he lobs snowballs at the other Marauders, only his face visible behind the layers and layers of scarves and coats. He thinks about Sunday breakfasts, their shoulders brushing as Sirius pours their tea and Remus doles out the hearty food, avoiding the smoked salmon that reminds Sirius of stuffy dinner parties at Grimmauld Place. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks.

Somewhere along the way, he has fallen for Remus.

And Remus thinks Sirius doesn’t like him.

Suddenly, nothing is more important than stopping Remus from being upset. There is a pain in Sirius’s chest, a pain that comes from the knowledge that Remus is sad and lonely and hurt, and Sirius is the one who did that. He didn’t mean to, but he does mean to fix it.

He flies out of the dorm and down the stairs, pausing only briefly before racing out the portrait hole to puff at James, ‘You were right, gotta find Moony, back later!’

Once he’s out in public Sirius slows from a sprint to a power walk, trying to figure out where Remus could be. He turns left at the end of the corridor, about to try the library, when he spots the portrait of a girl sitting in a blue armchair with a massive book open across her lap, her flaxen hair braided back so it doesn’t fall into her eyes as she reads. She’s been very helpful to the Marauders on many past occasions, particularly before they finished the map.

Sirius veers towards her and says, ‘Excuse me, but have you seen my friend Remus? Only I really need to find him, and I don’t know where he is. Please, it’s urgent!’

She closes her book and clasps her dainty hands together. ‘Oh yes, I saw him walk this way a little while ago. Wait here a moment.’ She hops out of the chair and skips into the frame next to hers. Sirius watches her flit between paintings for a few seconds, but soon loses sight of her. He drums the fingers of his right hand on his thigh and chews the nails on his left as he waits for her to return. Eventually she peeps around the edge of her frame and beckons him.

‘I found your friend! Follow me.’

The girl leads him to an unused classroom two floors down. He thanks her distractedly and she waves goodbye, darting back through the paintings the way they came. Sirius hesitates at the door, suddenly aware of the rushing gallop of his pulse. He chews his lip, unsure whether he should continue. After a moment he straightens his spine and takes the last step, pushing on the door.

It creaks, opening to reveal a room lit only by the stormy dusk outside the windows.

‘Moony?’ Sirius whispers, trying to spot him in the gloom.

‘Sirius?’ he hears Remus call back.

‘Yeah, it’s me. Where are you?’

‘Up behind the professor’s desk.’

Sirius picks his way through the untidy maze of chairs and desks until he reaches the front of the classroom. He rounds the big oak monstrosity next to the blackboard and finds Remus leaning against it, Transfiguration papers strewn around him. He looks up at Sirius and lifts the corner of his mouth in a tentative smile, though the rest of his expression remains wary.

‘Hey,’ he rasps.

‘Hey Re. Mind if I sit?’ Sirius indicates the space next to Remus on the floor. Remus nods and clears away some of the parchment.

‘Of course, you don’t need to ask,’ he says, not meeting Sirius’s eye.

‘I think I do. Because you’ve been avoiding me,’ Sirius states, keeping his tone free from accusation.

Remus cringes anyway. ‘What? No, I haven’t! I’ve just been busy…’ He trails off as he notices Sirius’s stern expression.

‘Yes, you have. But that’s not what I came here to talk about. I mean, it’s related. But also, not really. Kind of?’ Sirius chuckles nervously and runs his hand through his hair. He notices Remus’s hungry gaze following the movement, and that gives him the courage he needs to continue.

‘It wasn’t true,’ he declares. ‘What I said on Saturday night, it wasn’t true.’

Remus’s eyes widen, but they don’t lose their wariness. ‘You lied about not fancying anyone?’

‘No!’ Sirius asserts quickly, needing Remus to understand. ‘I didn’t lie, but what I said wasn’t true.’ Remus looks confused, so Sirius tries to explain better. ‘I wasn’t lying. I didn’t think I liked anyone because I’ve never had a crush before, so it made sense. But I realised I do actually like someone, it just happened so gradually and naturally that I never noticed.’

Sirius takes a deep breath. ‘Moony, can I touch your face?’

Remus blanches, then flushes a glorious pink. He gulps audibly then nods his assent.

Sirius reaches out slowly and cups his friend’s cheeks, fingers curling under his ears. His thumbs trace Remus’s cheekbones, and his eyes sting in sympathy as he notices the dried tear tracks. He takes a moment to study this face he knows as well as his own. Then his gaze meets Remus’s, and he whispers, ‘Remus Lupin, I fancy the pants off you.’

Remus gasps out a shaky laugh. ‘What a romantic way of putting it,’ he mumbles.

Sirius bumps their noses together. ‘You know me, Romantic Sirius Black.’ He grins but soon sobers again. ‘It’s true though. I really do. I’m sorry I didn’t realise in time to stop you hurting like this, but I honestly just didn’t realise. Prongs had to knock some sense into me.’

Remus laughs again, more wetly this time, and Sirius notices a suspicious sheen in his eyes.

‘Nope! No crying, Re. You’re not allowed to be sad anymore,’ he says, trying to come off threatening but failing miserably.

‘Not sad,’ Remus whispers, so quietly that Sirius has to lean in again to hear. A small smile spreads until it fills his face, his scars stretching and the corners of his eyes crinkling as the emotion glows out of him. ‘Happy.’

And so is Sirius.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! This is technically my first published fanfic (although it is actually a distraction from the multi chapter one I'm in the middle of writing...oops), so any kudos and comments are much appreciated!


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